grief
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Sit With It, Matthew!!
“You need to sit with those emotions”-My therapist tells me this at least every third session. Supposedly, facing the myriad of emotions left behind by the death of my wife is necessary. And while I understand the purpose behind the words, I don’t like them. The experience makes me feel uncomfortable, sometimes forcing me to…
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What’s In The BOX!?!?!
I’ve been struggling lately, especially with letting go. For three months, four boxes of chinaware for Goodwill and one box of Katy’s things for a friend have sat untouched—I keep making excuses instead of dealing with them. Usually, I’m good at procrastinating, but this feels different. How might you ask? I was scared; these boxes…
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Its Just a Name. Right?
I had to go to the DMV today to have Katy’s name removed from the title of the Jeep. This allowed me to renew the registration for a couple years. It was not a bad experience, but it was not my favorite moment of the year by far. I arrived fully prepared to complete the…
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Got Kind of Dark Last Night.
I was on the fence about sharing this. It’s heavy and I don’t want to scare any of you. Also, because it contains some triggers regarding suicide, so this is your warning. Still with me….are you sure? Last chance to turn back. Okay then. First, please know that I am okay. I am working through…
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Talking Cats and Ghost Stories in Walmart.
Katy and Mirren-our female cat- bonded immediately. When she turned that corner in Pet Smart, she was eye to eye with Mirren, almost like Mirren knew she was coming, and it was love at first sight. Most of the pictures you see of Mirren as a kitten are with Katy. Mirren would sleep with Katy…
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Boobs and Blood as Therapy.
This blog post is gonna be a little bit different than what you are all used to. As I navigate this scary new world I now inhabit, I take pleasure wherever I can find it. Most of the time that pleasure comes in the form of music. New albums and concerts have been a big…
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No gifts this year
With my birthday coming up I’ve been thinking about Katy a lot. Birthdays were never a big thing for Katy and I; we did not throw parties or buy lavish gifts for each other. We preferred to play hooky from work and spend the day together; that was a gift. Sometimes we would catch a…
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A connection via Sticky Notes?
Grief has made me recognize little things that I took for granted in the 20 years I was with Katy. In a marriage, at least in my experience, there comes a point when your partner develops into something more than just a partner, they become the eyes in the back of your head, or a…
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It Lives With Me
I live with loneliness. It’s a loneliness that crawls over me. It gets into my head and makes me doubt whether I am good enough. It attaches itself to my most personal parts and tempts me in ways that make me feel ashamed. It follows me like a bastard shadow, and trips me up as…
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First to Last
On the first night they met, their worlds collided, and he was excited and uncertain of their future. On the first night they slept together, he lay in bed after, watching her sleep and he felt a peace wash over him On the first night in the house, he truly felt at home for the…
Rewatch / Replay 