family
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Sit With It, Matthew!!
“You need to sit with those emotions”-My therapist tells me this at least every third session. Supposedly, facing the myriad of emotions left behind by the death of my wife is necessary. And while I understand the purpose behind the words, I don’t like them. The experience makes me feel uncomfortable, sometimes forcing me to…
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Its Just a Name. Right?
I had to go to the DMV today to have Katy’s name removed from the title of the Jeep. This allowed me to renew the registration for a couple years. It was not a bad experience, but it was not my favorite moment of the year by far. I arrived fully prepared to complete the…
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Got Kind of Dark Last Night.
I was on the fence about sharing this. It’s heavy and I don’t want to scare any of you. Also, because it contains some triggers regarding suicide, so this is your warning. Still with me….are you sure? Last chance to turn back. Okay then. First, please know that I am okay. I am working through…
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No gifts this year
With my birthday coming up I’ve been thinking about Katy a lot. Birthdays were never a big thing for Katy and I; we did not throw parties or buy lavish gifts for each other. We preferred to play hooky from work and spend the day together; that was a gift. Sometimes we would catch a…
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A connection via Sticky Notes?
Grief has made me recognize little things that I took for granted in the 20 years I was with Katy. In a marriage, at least in my experience, there comes a point when your partner develops into something more than just a partner, they become the eyes in the back of your head, or a…
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First to Last
On the first night they met, their worlds collided, and he was excited and uncertain of their future. On the first night they slept together, he lay in bed after, watching her sleep and he felt a peace wash over him On the first night in the house, he truly felt at home for the…
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Its a Mess
He stands in the doorway looking over the mess. It’s her mess. Not as in she is responsible for it, but it is her stuff.In one corner he stares at a pile of pens. It is a hulking mass of writing tools including highlighters, dry erase markers, crayons and even a few pencils. He sees…
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Our Story: The earworm.
Buckle up folks, this is a long one. I know I said that I did not adhere to genre prejudice; but if there is one style of music that I would set as THE music that started it all for me, it would be hard Rock. Specifically, the dirty denim bands. These were the bands…
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A new kind of fear
This is a different kind of fear. Not like the fear I felt the night I asked her to marry me. Not like the fear I felt when we bought our first house. Not like the fear I felt when she looked at me and said “I have cancer.” Not like the fear I felt…
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Here She Comes Again
Here she comes again She sits next to me on the couch, and we watch a movie. Then I go to bed, and she says “good night, I’ll see you tomorrow” The next time I see her, she is standing behind me in the kitchen as I load the dishwasher. She says nothing. Just watches…
Rewatch / Replay 