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She Knew I’d Get Here
I heard “The Story” by Brandi Carlile for the first time today. Not “first time” like I’d never heard it before. Katy and I were fans. Well, Katy was the real fan. I was more of a casual participant. Still, Brandi’s music lived in the background of our life. Car rides. Target aisles. Saturday mornings.…
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Braveheart: Same Movie, Less Pull
Katy loved Braveheart. I mean, she deeply loved this film. Like a lot of Gen Xers, my wife Katy worked two jobs in her twenties. One of them was as a video rental clerk. She saw Braveheart in theaters three times, and when it landed on the in store rotation, she was the only employee…
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Talking Grief
I’m not a therapist—just someone navigating grief and a job search out loud. If you’re in need of help, please use professional support channels designed for that care.Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (24/7). Heads up, friends—this is a long one. Grief talks to you.It has a voice. If left to its own devices,…
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You Look Brighter
Today, my therapist told me that I “looked brighter.” As I sat down in my usual spot, I kept thinking about that—about what it meant, and how it made me feel. In perfect Dr. Melfi fashion, she asked me: How do you feel about looking brighter? It felt like a kind of confirmation. Maybe I’m…
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Self Gaslighting is a thing. Right?
Today I would like to share a journal entry from last week. I revisited this entry today after I accepted a new contract position. I GOT A JOB!!! Therapist: Who are you? Me: A 52-year-old, unemployed, depressed widower. It scared me how fast the answer came. No thought, the answer just rolled out like marbles…
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If you see it, let me know?
Losing my wife has plagued me throughout the past year; Sadness, anger, confusion and fear have clouded my every move. Every decision feels bigger and more intimidating. I question everything I do. If that wasn’t enough, each of these emotions affects the part of my psyche that I’ve struggled with my entire life. Self-confidence. Before…
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Its Just a Name. Right?
I had to go to the DMV today to have Katy’s name removed from the title of the Jeep. This allowed me to renew the registration for a couple years. It was not a bad experience, but it was not my favorite moment of the year by far. I arrived fully prepared to complete the…
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A new kind of fear
This is a different kind of fear. Not like the fear I felt the night I asked her to marry me. Not like the fear I felt when we bought our first house. Not like the fear I felt when she looked at me and said “I have cancer.” Not like the fear I felt…
Rewatch / Replay 