And Now She is Gone

My journey through grief

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about

I am a 50+ widower living in VA with two cats and my father. I lost my wife of 20 years, Katy, to cancer in the fall of 2024. I entered into therapy for help navigating my grief and journaling was suggested. Through journaling I discovered that I enjoyed writing and I began to experiment with various styles and format until a friend, after reading some of what I had written, suggested I share some of what I was writing and here we are. While I am not sure what this will be, or if I will even keep up with it, I can assure that what I post here will be genuine. At times I will share stories from my life with Katy. Some times it may be my stab at fiction or poetry. It may not be good, but it will be honest. And I encourage your thoughts and ideas regarding what I post, I walk to chat. Anyways, I do appreciate the time you are taking to visit my blog. Matt

Category: My attempt at poetry

I will be honest with you. Everything I know about poetry came from Dead Poet’s Society. I’m not even sure if any of this is poetry.

Thank you for reading.

  • It Lives With Me

    It Lives With Me

    I live with loneliness. It’s a loneliness that crawls over me. It gets into my head and makes me doubt whether I am good enough. It attaches itself to my most personal parts and tempts me in ways that make me feel ashamed. It follows me like a bastard shadow, and trips me up as…

  • First to Last

    First to Last

    On the first night they met, their worlds collided, and he was excited and uncertain of their future. On the first night they slept together, he lay in bed after, watching her sleep and he felt a peace wash over him On the first night in the house, he truly felt at home for the…

  • Too many empty rooms

    Too many empty rooms

    Something has changed and he can’t understand it. The silence is new. It is a silence he has never heard before. It is loud, and intense as it rings in his ears. He tries to fight it by opening the windows to let the world in, but even the world can’t penetrate the walls. Occasionally…

  • The Hoodie

    The Hoodie

    He is standing in line at the grocery store. There is woman and her daughter behind him. He can hear them giggling and then the mother taps him on the shoulder. “My daughter and I think your hoodie is very funny, can I ask where you got it?” He looks down and recognizes the hoodie.…

  • A new kind of fear

    A new kind of fear

    This is a different kind of fear. Not like the fear I felt the night I asked her to marry me. Not like the fear I felt when we bought our first house. Not like the fear I felt when she looked at me and said “I have cancer.” Not like the fear I felt…

  • Here She Comes Again

    Here She Comes Again

    Here she comes again She sits next to me on the couch, and we watch a movie. Then I go to bed, and she says “good night, I’ll see you tomorrow” The next time I see her, she is standing behind me in the kitchen as I load the dishwasher. She says nothing. Just watches…

  • Till Death Do Us Part

    Till death do us part. I initially was not fond of these words in our vows. They were a heavy thing to say on the day we got married. A day of celebration. I found the term to be depressing. They even felt threatening, as if the something or someone did not want us to…