I am a 50+ widower living in VA with two cats and my father. I lost my wife of 20 years, Katy, to cancer in the fall of 2024. I entered into therapy for help navigating my grief and journaling was suggested. Through journaling I discovered that I enjoyed writing and I began to experiment with various styles and format until a friend, after reading some of what I had written, suggested I share some of what I was writing and here we are.
While I am not sure what this will be, or if I will even keep up with it, I can assure that what I post here will be genuine. At times I will share stories from my life with Katy. Some times it may be my stab at fiction or poetry. It may not be good, but it will be honest. And I encourage your thoughts and ideas regarding what I post, I walk to chat.
Anyways, I do appreciate the time you are taking to visit my blog.
Matt
Till death do us part. I initially was not fond of these words in our vows.
They were a heavy thing to say on the day we got married. A day of celebration. I found the term to be depressing. They even felt threatening, as if the something or someone did not want us to get too comfortable in our new life together.
Little did I know the truth behind them.
When we first heard the words “it’s cancer” our vows came rushing back to me, “till death do us part” smacked me across the face and then landed in my lap like a cold, wet blanket.
The words were suddenly very real. They went from being just out of my sight, like a shadow observed from the corner of my eye, to standing right in front of me. Laughing and pointing at my naivete.
No one expects “till death do us part” to turn out to be true. You imagine you will at least get a good 50 years with your person. My parents did, their parents did. Why not us?
She and I would imagine ourselves as the old couple that all the teenage girls would observe and say, “I hope I find that kind of love someday.”
She and I would joke about being the funniest, most chaotic couple in the retirement home. I would flirt with the nurses and she would assure them I was harmless. “He’s always been the horny one,” she would say to them.
Our life together was cut short. We were not allowed to grow old together. Fate denied us that. And I was thrust into a dark and confusing room without her to guide me.
“Till death do us part” has meaning to me now. Weight. It is tangible and I understand their purpose.
They are there to make us recognize that we are not in control. Death is out there, and we are powerless to stop it.
Those words are meant to ensure we do not take the time we have with them for granted. They remind us to focus on every minute. To make an etching of every hour. To record every second of your time together. Do not dwell on the words. Do not let them interfere. But do not forget them.
I did. I let them fade into the background because I was convinced nothing could happen to me and her. We would have plenty of time. We would experience all of life together.
And Now She is Gone 
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