Today, my therapist told me that I “looked brighter.” As I sat down in my usual spot, I kept thinking about that—about what it meant, and how it made me feel. In perfect Dr. Melfi fashion, she asked me:
How do you feel about looking brighter?
It felt like a kind of confirmation. Maybe I’m doing this right. Or at least, right for me.
Over the past year, I’ve been stumbling through everything. Without therapy, a week in the mental hospital, and my father being in the house… well, I’ll just say it got dark for me.
So when my therapist opened the door and said, “You look brighter,” it literally brightened my day. It told me I was moving in the right direction.
Losing Katy hurt in a way that still feels like a shadow. That pain will always be with me.
Every new day still scares the hell out of me. But I’m visiting the garden less and less. I haven’t woken up at 3 a.m. crying in a while. And according to my therapist, I look brighter.
Baby steps.
And Now She is Gone 
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