And Now She is Gone

My journey through grief

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I am a 50+ widower living in VA with two cats and my father. I lost my wife of 20 years, Katy, to cancer in the fall of 2024. I entered into therapy for help navigating my grief and journaling was suggested. Through journaling I discovered that I enjoyed writing and I began to experiment with various styles and format until a friend, after reading some of what I had written, suggested I share some of what I was writing and here we are. While I am not sure what this will be, or if I will even keep up with it, I can assure that what I post here will be genuine. At times I will share stories from my life with Katy. Some times it may be my stab at fiction or poetry. It may not be good, but it will be honest. And I encourage your thoughts and ideas regarding what I post, I walk to chat. Anyways, I do appreciate the time you are taking to visit my blog. Matt
It Lives With Me

It Lives With Me

I live with loneliness.

It’s a loneliness that crawls over me. It gets into my head and makes me doubt whether I am good enough.

It attaches itself to my most personal parts and tempts me in ways that make me feel ashamed.

It follows me like a bastard shadow, and trips me up as it kicks my feet.

I try to navigate my way through, but it is an endless labyrinth of stone with sharp corners and walls covered in rotting ivy.

Sometimes I can hear it. It’s a low static thumping that keeps me awake at night and clouds my mind during the day. It whispers words that punch deep and bruise me dark.

I don’t know if it will ever leave, I don’t if I will ever get used to it.

So, I live with loneliness.

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